5 Hour Phone Conversation

There's always that point in time with a new relationship when you spend hours upon hours upon hours on the phone at night, talking about everything and anything. However, I feel like that normally dies down after the first month or so. Then it drops to just calling to say goodnight, or not really calling at all.

I had thought we were done with the long talks that ramble here and there, I thought that maybe we'd run out of things to say.

I was most definitely wrong.

Granted, it's still pretty early in the relationship, but we'd sort of died down to "how was your day?" conversations over the past month or so, sometimes skipping talking at night if one person was busy or had people over or whatever. Out of what seems like nowhere, for the past two nights we've been on the phone for 4+ hours each night. And every time we talk, it's like there's a whole new set of things we could talk about the next night. What's even crazier is that it doesn't feel like four hours have passed. It feels like maybe 1, an hour and a half at the most. I looked at my watch last night and was shocked that it read 3:45.

I love it. I love that our conversations can go from something silly to something sentimental, that we can talk about something that's upsetting one of us and still be able to bring the conversation back up to a happy beat. I like that he can say that something's bothering him, and I'm glad that I feel the same way. I feel like a lot of my problems before stemmed from either me not saying what was bothering me, or me being oblivious to the fact that I was doing something they didn't like. Granted, it's never fun to hear that you're doing something wrong, but I want to fix it. I want to be a better girlfriend than I may have been before. There's something about it that just makes me feel good. I want to make him happy, just as much as he wants me to be happy with him.

I think it's refreshingly healthy. I don't worry about what he'll do if I'm not around, I don't worry about my family or friends getting along with him, I don't worry about the fact that there's 2 hours distance. Sure, going from seeing each other on almost a weekly basis to having to wait 2 weeks or more is kind of rough, and sharing a tiny twin bed when I visit is also a challenge (I love my queen. It's just the right amount of room) but on the whole, I couldn't be happier. I feel better, I'm more optimistic, I'm less worried and stressed... I was worried for a while that I'd never find something as good as I thought my last relationship was. To have this be better than that in every way is something that just baffles me. I'm speechless.

I think that's all I have in me for now.

It's been a long, long time...

I know it's late January, but it's been a good start to the resolution season. At least I think it has.

Let's see... Resolution list update:

1. Let shit go.
Well, I've been working on it. I find that I have to do a lot of forgiving, and it's mostly of myself. Most of the anger that I hold on to is that I've let things happen to me, and there is just no excuse for it. I'm angry at myself for getting into certain situations, for letting myself get as far away from who I am as I have. I don't know if that makes much sense, but a lot of my problems have been self inflicted, and I've been blaming the wrong people. So far, while it's been hard to let go of some of those hard feelings and issues that have built up over the past however many months or years, I think I've found a lot of clarity, and I think it's something that's good for me. On the whole, I'm a lot prouder of who I am right now and the things I am doing with my life than I have in a long time. I feel like I'm finally taking charge and dealing with things instead of just moping about how awful things have been. I don't want to be that girl anymore, so I'm not.

2. Go to the gym.
Well, it hasn't been the gym, but I signed up for hot yoga at the nearby shopping center. I've been pretty good about going 5 times a week, some weeks are a little rougher than others. While I haven't really lost weight, I feel a hell of a lot better and stronger than I did, and I think things fit better. Maybe the number will go down with a little more time, after all, this is only week 3.

3. Keep up with the work....
Oh dear... That one hasn't gone too well. At least I'm not obnoxiously far behind. I'm part way through a paper, I have most of the research, and I have a decent idea for my presentation... Does it matter that I'm 4 days behind in the reading??

4. Make more art.
Partial success for month one. I dropped my studio class because I didn't like the subject and there wasn't enough time or decent materials to make anything that I would want to keep. I have been sketching here and there, though. Maybe I'll move on to painting again.

5. Learn to cook healthy and well.
Definitely been cooking more. And more things from scratch. I've been on the dailyplate.com working on tracking my calories and the foods that I eat. I still slip from time to time, I have a problem snacking, but I'm definitely making more pasta, chicken, and eating more veggies. I'm a fan of salads... : )

As for the holidays, they were okay. There was a bit of family drama, and I'll have to do a post about Las Vegas at some point. I jotted down some notes about where we went and what we did (I know, something that actually pertains to the blog's original purpose!). Matt met the family, which went pretty well, considering the crap he was coming into. Nothing like a parental spat 40 minutes before you get there to really make the house seem welcome and friendly. The family seems to like him, I think they'll like him more the more they see him. My roomates love him, as do most of my friends here (at least the ones he's met). Things are going well in that area.

I'm still deciding what I want to do for next year. New Orleans is looking better and better, especially if the acceptance rate is as high as they say. I know they're desperate for people, but I'm not so sure I'm ready for the move. I think once I set my mind to it I'll be good. I just have to get my resume together and all the crap that goes with it.

On a side note, the first thing I'm buying when I'm a real person is a new laptop. The n button has stopped working, and sometimes the left click doesn't work too well either. Plus, I think it has more viruses than I can count. Every day I run a virus scan, and every day I get rid of at least 20 files. It's horrid.

That's all for now : )

I miss Siena.

Resolutions

I know it's not New Year's yet, but here's a few things I want to work on.

1. Let shit go. I hold on to things for much longer than I should, and honestly, it's not doing anyone any good. Mostly me. Bottling up all this anger and aggression is just worthless, I hate feeling this way and I never want to feel like this again.

2. Go to the gym. Pretty self explanatory. I want to take better care of myself. Yeah, physical appearance is a factor, but I'm tired of being tired. I want to be able to run forever.

3. Keep up with the work. This finals week has crushed me because I was behind.

4. Make more art. This one should be easy. I'm taking 4 studios before I graduate.

5. Learn to cook healthy. And well.


That's all I've got for the moment.

"You're an angel, Baby"

Those are the last words I heard before I fell asleep last night. It's hard to go to sleep unhappy if that's the last thing on my mind. It's hard to drift off without a smile on my face. I like falling asleep next to you, I like waking up next to you, I like being around you.

You'll drive up the two hours because I've had a bad day. Or if I've gotten bad news. Or if I've had a close call. Or if I want a hug. You'll drive up and miss out on games, parties, races. And you say it doesn't bother you. You'll kick off your shoes, empty your pockets, and flop on the bed. I'll rub your back and you'll rest your head on my shoulder and say, "You're an angel, baby."

Those might be my favorite four words you say. I've never been that for someone, that's not a name I've been given. Sweetheart, honey, love, gorgeous, beautiful... I've had those. I like that this is different. I like how it feels like you mean it when you say it. It's all about your voice.

You don't say it all that often, which makes it feel more sincere. If you're sick and I bring you water and some medicine because I can hear you coughing while I'm making breakfast, you look up at me and say those four words. I bend down and kiss your forehead, and smile as I walk back out. If you're restless and can't fall asleep, and I let the TV run with poker because it'll give you something to do other than think about how awake you are, you'll say it to me. I roll over and burrow under the covers to block out the light, and smile while I drift off.

I love that you care about me, that you'll smile for no reason, that you'll hold my hand, put your arm around me, watch musicals with me and my crazy roommates, and put up with my constant "What do you want to do for dinner/lunch/whatever?"

I think it's little things like that phrase that makes me as happy as I am. Granted, things aren't always perfect, we have our moments, but I just like where we are. I'm glad you were patient. I'm glad you weren't insistent. I'm glad that you just waited and were a friend to me when I was lost and confused and didn't know what to do. I'm glad you were quiet when I needed to get my head straight. If not, I don't think I would have known how good this could be.

It's a long road, we're taking it a day at a time. I can't wait to see where it takes us.

Yay!

Yay boyfriend : )

Oops

So remember how two posts ago I was all ahead of schedule on that paper?

Yeah, I'm finishing it now. 5 hours before it's due.

Go me.

Conformist

Dear World,

I am sorry to inform you that I have caved. I, after almost 21 years of my life of hating them, own a pair of Uggs.

I blame my mother. She loves them, but not the way that obnoxious college sorority girls love them. She wears them under her jeans, not rolled, and only when it is cold enough to warrant them outside. This being said, she also owns 3 pairs. One year, my dad went out and bought her a new set of the ankle high in light tan, but unfortunately they were a little too big. Into the closet they went to wait for someone to get the motivation or time to exchange them.

A year and a half later, my mother is rummaging through the hall closet, finds them, and throws them at me. "They're comfortable! They're warm!" she said. "HELL NO!" I said, but took them with me anyway, thinking that at the very least I would just let them hang out in my closet until they hopefully deteriorated into nothing.

I was unpacking some stuff this morning, putting some things away and I stumbled across the Ugg box. I picked it up, checking to see the size. It's a 9, there is no way that this could possibly fit. "I know!" I thought so cleverly to myself, "I'll try them on, and then they'll be too small! My mom will have to take them back!" Oh poor, poor choice. They fit like a glove. They're fuzzy, they're squishy, they're warm. They hug your feet. As my mother says, they're happiness for your feet. And, on top of it all, they make my feet look little.

My good ladies and gentlemen, I like them. I... I may even wear them outside the apartment! I may wear them to class! I may go skipping down the streets singing to everyone the newfound joy of Uggs! Ok, maybe not the last one, but gosh darn it, they are comfy.

That, my dear people, is my story.