So much for being more consistant.
Either way, here's the update:
I didn't get the job that I applied for, so the major move that was supposed to get me on my way isn't going to happen. Instead, I moved back into my dad's house and we're settling in to a careful balance for the moment. I'm still unpacking box after box, and as long as I'm making progress he doesn't complain too much about my stuff taking over the entirity of the left side of the garage. He can still park.
I'm trying to be optimistic about this particular situation, it's difficult at times, but I've discovered that Dad spends most of his time out of the house, on business trips, meetings, dates with a lady that I really like, that kind of thing. I've got plenty of time to myself now, which is kind of nice and a habit that I adopted in Delaware with my old roommates off schedules. I miss them a lot, especially Mary. Letting go of the puppies has been hard, too. But on the bright side, my commute is down to about 30 minutes one way, as opposed to the hour and a half to hour and forty-five. I'm only putting 40 miles a day on my car instead of 100+, and I woke up at 7 this morning and had plenty of time to putter around before having to leave for work. I'm exhausted, but that's for a completely different reason.
A week from now is the major Conservation conference. They're actually holding it in Philadelphia and I managed to get a day off to go and see the talk on wooden artifacts. I'm trying to be more proactive than I have been recently. It's easy to get sucked into the abyss of mediocrity when you feel like you can't do any better. Or that people are telling you that it's impossible, or that it feels impossible.
I'm enrolling in an organic chemistry class for the fall, night classes twice a week to work on my grades. If I do well this semester, I'll add an art class to retaking the secondary part of it. I miss being creative, I feel stagnant and I feel that it's contributing to my overall indifference to the world around me.
Sometimes I feel like I'm just waiting for what the world is going to throw at me next. Or take away from me. What more does it want? What more can they do?
I try and I fail, and that's all there is to it. But I'll keep trying, that's all I've got.
I'm looking forward to not having to think for a few days.
Miss you all, wherever you may be.
