These are just a few things I'm thinking about, and since I can't put them together in any kind of cohesive way, you're getting a bullet list. Woo!
1. Today I feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants. I like having days scheduled, especially when there are things that I want to do and know that I should do. However, I can't put any of them in place in a schedule until I know when at least one of them is taking place. Right now, I want to go to the gym, see my friend Brooke, eat dinner with Dad, and I have to go to my therapist. I don't want to go to the gym until I know when Brooke is free, and I don't know if I can do dinner with Dad until I know if my therapist pushed our session back to 8 instead of 7 (it takes about 40-50 minutes to get out there, and Dad doesn't get home until 5:45 at best so I'd have 25 minutes to cook and eat and that's not enough.) I am a scheduling freak. It's ok.
2. Speaking of the gym, I really want to go burn 1000 calories today. For the most part, working for 9 hours has helped keep off and get rid of some of my extra weight, but I put 3 pounds on at Matt's over the weekend (expected) and now I want to get rid of them. I had finally dropped back down into the 170s, a place I haven't been since freshman year. I want that body back so badly....
3. My weekend at Matt's was really wonderful. It's probably one of the best weekends I've ever had with him, and what's weird is that I really can't remember specifically why it was so good. We went out to dinner, we talked a lot, we didn't fight... I got to see some of his friends. All in all it was really excellent. I miss him, and I wish we lived closer together. I think the best part was that he had Sunday off, it's been a long time since I've been able to sleep in with him, I've really missed that.
4. I don't want to live at home anymore. That's nothing new, but lately Dad's been rubbing me the wrong way. He'll say something in a cheery voice but all I hear is "criticism criticism not good enough should be doing something else." I hope that the internship I want actually exists so I can get out.
Alrighty, that's all there is for right now. I'll probably write something else later. Possibly having to do with the fact that Crisfield, Maryland is located in an absolutely gorgeous part of Maryland. With pictures.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
A Study on Sleep
I haven't been sleeping lately. Well, that's only partially true. I've been getting about 4 hours of solid sleep, followed by 3 to 4 hours of restless, tossing and turning, staring at the clock sleep. Friday, after Dad's knee surgery, I went to the local Rite-Aid and picked up 200 tablets of melatonin to help me sleep.
Melatonin is a natural substance that your body produces to make sure you stay asleep. Apparently, I don't get nearly enough of this. Also included in these little pills is 100% of your daily value of vitamin B6, which is something you're supposed to have to be happy. Anyway, I took my first one last night.
I took it, brushed my teeth, changed into my pajamas, checked my emails and all the other things I do before climbing into bed, and when I finally laid back, my eyes just closed. My whole body felt heavy, but in a really good way. Every way that I laid I was comfortable. I fell asleep smiling. I spent the first half asleep period dreaming I was a like a dandelion seed, floating over a giant field of buttercups and wildflowers on a wonderful summer breeze.
Unfortunately, that lasted until about 3:30, about 5 hours after taking it. After that, while my eyes stayed firmly shut, I wasn't comfortable. I wasn't asleep. I had a headache pounding in my right temple. I'm pretty sure that's what lead to my less-than-sunny mood. I woke up sad, spent the beginning of the morning crying to Matt via text message about how my life is so terrible and lonely, finally snapped out of it around 2 or so, only to sink back into it again. I can't quite blame it on the meds, since I've only taken it once and since I've been a complete emotional wreck over the past week, so it's probably a culmination of things.
Anyway, I'm going to try to take round 2 tonight and see if it goes well!
See you all in dreamland.
Melatonin is a natural substance that your body produces to make sure you stay asleep. Apparently, I don't get nearly enough of this. Also included in these little pills is 100% of your daily value of vitamin B6, which is something you're supposed to have to be happy. Anyway, I took my first one last night.
I took it, brushed my teeth, changed into my pajamas, checked my emails and all the other things I do before climbing into bed, and when I finally laid back, my eyes just closed. My whole body felt heavy, but in a really good way. Every way that I laid I was comfortable. I fell asleep smiling. I spent the first half asleep period dreaming I was a like a dandelion seed, floating over a giant field of buttercups and wildflowers on a wonderful summer breeze.
Unfortunately, that lasted until about 3:30, about 5 hours after taking it. After that, while my eyes stayed firmly shut, I wasn't comfortable. I wasn't asleep. I had a headache pounding in my right temple. I'm pretty sure that's what lead to my less-than-sunny mood. I woke up sad, spent the beginning of the morning crying to Matt via text message about how my life is so terrible and lonely, finally snapped out of it around 2 or so, only to sink back into it again. I can't quite blame it on the meds, since I've only taken it once and since I've been a complete emotional wreck over the past week, so it's probably a culmination of things.
Anyway, I'm going to try to take round 2 tonight and see if it goes well!
See you all in dreamland.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Long Time, No See
I would like to blame my lack of blogging on the fact that I haven't really been near a computer recently, or at least at a computer long enough to write a post. Also, I have nothing of great interest to write about beyond the normal complaining about my life.
Anyway, here are today's two topics: Ramblin', and Freckle.
Ramblin'
I've discovered that I really do a lot better when I'm not in my house. I find that days are boring, I go to work, go to the gym, sit and have dinner with Dad, watch a minimal amount of TV, and at the stroke of 10, I'm in bed to do it all over again.
Granted, I like the gym, and my father can be good company, but this kind of lifestyle tends to make me a shut in because it's a routine I can stick to. I do love a good routine, although sometimes they make me crazy. The difficulty is that by the time I get home and get some kind of exercise in, or even just showered, it's practically time to eat anyway, and I normally don't like going and doing things late at night because I like getting my 8 hours of sleep in order to be functional the next day. No one really calls me either, so I figure no one really wants to see me, so I tend to not call them because I figure if they wanted to see me they would call. It's a stupid system.
ANYWAY, that is not my point. My point is that I have been getting out a little bit more. I've spent a couple of nights out at my sister's place in Reading, which was a lot of fun because my sister is much more social than I am and she gets me out of my shell. It's been really good, I've been out with my mom and down to see Matt a lot recently, and we normally get to go out a little bit then. I need people to drag me out of my homebody shell. I would be mostly content with just sitting at home reading a book, but I'd rather go out and see people and remember that I am, y'know, a relatively likable person.
The only downside to all of this traveling is that in the past 3 weeks, I've slept in my own bed 3 or 4 times. I do miss being able to be in my own space after a while, but I guess it's ok if I get out and get some social interaction. On a side note, there are 3 things people can do to help prevent Alzheimer's: Eat healthy, Exercise, and Be Social. I just thought that was interesting.
Freckle
I got a freckle removed on Tuesday and it has been a complete misery. I was told it would be minimally painful and that most people could go back to work the very same day that they get it taken off. LIARS. I haven't been in to work since, I've spent most of my time lying down or sitting seriously slouched because any kind of "squat" positioning or walking or going up and down stairs is irritating and uncomfortable unless I readjust how I do everything. It's also really disgusting looking and I cried when I first saw it because it looked so disfiguring. I've gotten kind of used to it, but I still think it's ugly, and I can't wait for it to heal enough for me to not hate it. I get the biopsy results sometime next week, so hopefully this whole process will be worth it.
Anyway, I think that's all for me today! I'm off to Matt's in a couple of hours, so that's something to look forward to!
Anyway, here are today's two topics: Ramblin', and Freckle.
Ramblin'
I've discovered that I really do a lot better when I'm not in my house. I find that days are boring, I go to work, go to the gym, sit and have dinner with Dad, watch a minimal amount of TV, and at the stroke of 10, I'm in bed to do it all over again.
Granted, I like the gym, and my father can be good company, but this kind of lifestyle tends to make me a shut in because it's a routine I can stick to. I do love a good routine, although sometimes they make me crazy. The difficulty is that by the time I get home and get some kind of exercise in, or even just showered, it's practically time to eat anyway, and I normally don't like going and doing things late at night because I like getting my 8 hours of sleep in order to be functional the next day. No one really calls me either, so I figure no one really wants to see me, so I tend to not call them because I figure if they wanted to see me they would call. It's a stupid system.
ANYWAY, that is not my point. My point is that I have been getting out a little bit more. I've spent a couple of nights out at my sister's place in Reading, which was a lot of fun because my sister is much more social than I am and she gets me out of my shell. It's been really good, I've been out with my mom and down to see Matt a lot recently, and we normally get to go out a little bit then. I need people to drag me out of my homebody shell. I would be mostly content with just sitting at home reading a book, but I'd rather go out and see people and remember that I am, y'know, a relatively likable person.
The only downside to all of this traveling is that in the past 3 weeks, I've slept in my own bed 3 or 4 times. I do miss being able to be in my own space after a while, but I guess it's ok if I get out and get some social interaction. On a side note, there are 3 things people can do to help prevent Alzheimer's: Eat healthy, Exercise, and Be Social. I just thought that was interesting.
Freckle
I got a freckle removed on Tuesday and it has been a complete misery. I was told it would be minimally painful and that most people could go back to work the very same day that they get it taken off. LIARS. I haven't been in to work since, I've spent most of my time lying down or sitting seriously slouched because any kind of "squat" positioning or walking or going up and down stairs is irritating and uncomfortable unless I readjust how I do everything. It's also really disgusting looking and I cried when I first saw it because it looked so disfiguring. I've gotten kind of used to it, but I still think it's ugly, and I can't wait for it to heal enough for me to not hate it. I get the biopsy results sometime next week, so hopefully this whole process will be worth it.
Anyway, I think that's all for me today! I'm off to Matt's in a couple of hours, so that's something to look forward to!
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